i'm scared.

life is scary.

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

I’m staring at a blank page. My mind suddenly empty, when just a minute ago there were more thoughts than I could count.

It’s been so long since I’ve written. So long since I poured my heart out onto a page. But here I am. Back at it once more. And I am scared. Not scared to write. The writing just flows once I start. No, I’m scared of life.

This past year, I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone more times than I can count. I felt the fear. I opened myself up to it. I embraced it. And I did the scary things anyway.

I got my therapist’s degree. Opened up my own practice. Took on my first clients. Entered a relationship. Opened up to my parents. Got vulnerable in front of strangers.

I did all of those things and yet…

Fear has me in its grip once more.

See, it turns out I don’t want to run a local therapy practice. I want to write. Meet people from all over the world. Help people thrive beyond what they ever thought possible. I want to pour my energy into writing and serve the people I work with to the fullest of my abilities.

I cannot do that when I am commuting 80 minutes every day. I cannot do that when I spend half my working hours abiding by German law, documenting everything, learning how to tax things the right way, and making sure every one of the 1000s of data protection laws is being honored.

And so back into the world of online business I go. The realm of endless possibility.

And endless suffering.

The world where every piece of knowledge is at my fingertips.

And where overwhelm consumes me.

The space that lets me connect to the world.

And to an infinite amount of scammers and spammers.

I have made it to 10k+ a month on the internet. A dream to most. A reality for few.

But I’ve also lost it again, starting back at zero.

I have all the skills to run a successful coaching program.

But I’ve also got zero clue how to market it.

So here I am, back at the beginning.

Scared.

Scared of failing.

And scared of making it.

Scared of no one knowing that I exist.

And scared of being seen.

Scared of being sold.

Scared to sell.

Simply scared of everything.

I know how to deal with fear.

And yet there are nights like this one where it seems to consume me.

Tonight I chose to walk it out.

Then run it out.

Now write it out.

Fear is starting to lose its grip on me. It’s still present, but it is no longer all-consuming.

I don’t know where this path will lead me. I don’t know if I am meant for something bigger or if I’m just fooling myself. I don’t know if anyone is supposed to read this or not.

I will put it out there anyway. Because I have learned to do things scared.

If you, like me, are struggling right now, know that you are not alone. And know that fear is part of the process.

Fear is supposed to keep us safe. Fear doesn’t know that these days there are no wild animals ready to pounce behind every new corner we turn. Fear doesn’t know that we want to step into the unknown, to grow beyond our limits.

Fear is just doing its job, not knowing that its job description has gotten a little outdated.

To doing it scared
See you soon
-Kim


PS: I’ve just launched a free community for those of us who are ready to take action and grow their online businesses one scary baby step at a time. If that feels like you, come check it out. 🌱💛

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